Thank you Denise Solay for submitting this great piece and reminder to the optical professional- Don’t forget the eyeglass holders, lanyards, chains, cords and all the accessories that go with the eyeglass and contact lens sale.
A plea uttered about as frequently as “Where are my keys?” You know you just had them. You know they can’t be far. But you need them NOW!
It used to be just an occasional annoyance, but now it probably happens more frequently, and it seems to have so much more meaning lately. Is it just forgetfulness because we are doing so many things and aren’t concentrating enough? Or, is it something we don’t even want to think about? Is it the increasingly and rapidly advancement of those ever more frightening words that keep cropping up in our thoughts whenever we forget or lose something? Those words we don’t even want to think about, let alone say out loud? Could it be…The Eyewear Elves?
There. I’ve said it out loud and my world hasn’t collapsed. I don’t see one of those kleptomaniacal little monsters peering out from behind my desk lamp waiting to pounce on a pair of readers left unattended for more than two minutes. But now, I’ve discovered a wonderful way of foiling those scavenging little imps.
I can’t tell you how many busboys have given their girlfriends, wives or mothers beautiful pairs of sunglasses or readers that I’ve left behind, on, or under, tables. I always thought it was due to my failing memory before I uncovered the Elve’s sprightly shenanigans.
And, their barely audible little giggles that invaded my patience as I was rummaging through the mess in my handbag, searching, I now know, in vain, for my keys or readers, was infuriating.
The last straw was when I sat on my expensive, new glasses secreted beneath a pillow on my sofa. I’m sure I didn’t put them there. I’m sure it must have been the Elves. So, fractured frames in hand, I brought them to the kind person in the high-end eyewear store near my office. He gallantly agreed to repair my readers while I waited.
Looking around the store I was amazed at the range of prices for their fabulous frames. And then I saw what they called lanyards. Cords with metal circles attached that you could hang your glasses from. There were other stringy things you could attach to your frames that looked like something you’d find in a drugstore, not in an elegant eyewear emporium. But the concept intrigued me. What a wonderful way to keep those glasses out of the sticky mitts of those grabby goblins by elegantly tethering them to my body.
Now, I have to confess, I’m a jewelry designer and I was looking at these offerings with a very critical eye. Would I, or any of the well-dressed businesswomen or celebrities who wear my high-end jewelry, consider wearing anything like those pieces? No way!
I started to do some research. Department stores. Boutiques. Jewelry stores. Not much luck in finding anything that matched the stylish frames that were being offered by eyewear retailers. I found less than lovely “leashes,” (Isn’t that what we use to walk a dog?) “lariats” (I always thought that cowboys used those to catch cattle) “lanyards” (I used to make those in the Girl Scouts) “loops” (What we got on Saturday Nights in College) and “retainers.” (Aren’t those used to straighten teeth?) But, nothing that I would wear.
Soo, my only way to combat those avaricious imps and retain my sense of style was to design some pieces myself. But no way, was I going to wear a leash, lariat, lanyard, loop or retainer. I would wear “Eyewear Jewelry.” I could almost hear the muted grumbling from the Elfish Netherworld.
I paraded a series of “ideas” past my eyewear guru across the street. He corrected my lengths. He analyzed the strength of my attachments and the durability of my materials. I was using the same semi precious and precious stones that I use in my jewelry, but the scale had to be toned down. The frames were the stars in this world.
Then it occurred to me that these pieces were really jewelry. When they weren’t tethered to a pair of sunglasses or readers, they could be turned around and worn as a necklace. All it took was adding a detachable, sterling “S” hook and, voila! A necklace.
So, now I always know where to find my reading glasses… they’re hanging from the beautiful “Eyewear Jewelry” around my neck. But, I’m going to miss those mischievous Eyewear Elves. No more will I have to look foolish rummaging around my desk looking for my glasses. I won’t have to perch my sunglasses on top of my head as if staring up at the heavens. I’ll be safe, protected and retain my dignity and style. And those Elves will just have to find employment elsewhere.
Now, if I can only find my car keys…
“Has anyone seen my keys?”
By the way, if you want to hear what I believe is “The Reading Glass Wearer’s Anthem” check out this
Tom Rush “Remember” song on YouTube.